Giving up the people pleaser in me

Growing up I learned very quickly to be a people-pleaser.  In my family that meant keeping how you felt to yourself, having a smile on your face at all times, even if you were emotionally dying inside, and being a ‘can do’ person not a ‘no can do’ person.  This has stayed with me throughout my life.

What it has meant for me though is that I have put the feelings of others before my own much of the time.  I worry what others will think irrespective of how I actually feel.  This week has been really tough on the non-drinking front because of some stuff going on in my job.  And because I’ve learned that the way to get acceptance is to put others first, and I’ve only been in post 3 months, I’m not being completely honest with them about it.  This is creating over-whelming anxiety in me that is manifesting itself as the desire to drink BADLY.

And true to form, this blog has been no different.  I worry about what I post and that someone might not like what I write which is a kind of self-torture really.  So I’m going to try really hard to be completely honest on this blog from here on in.  No dressing it up as all smiley and easy breezy does it but hard much of the time at the moment.

I’m hoping that by being honest in this area of my life I will gain courage about being more honest in the work element of my life.  Here’s hoping.  Day 82.

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5 thoughts on “Giving up the people pleaser in me

  1. I know, you don’t want to step on toes. I was the same way, but (and some of this is my age) you just have to say fuck it. Say what you feel and you’ll feel better. And that’s what it’s all about. If we feel better about ourselves, we are better for others. Enjoy your day 82.

  2. oops, premature send! A few of the same thoughts- and, like you, I decided that being completely truthful was more useful to me, and potentially more helpful to others. Walking away from alcohol is NOT easy, and includes lots of difficult, challenging times and decisions. It helps me to read a post by someone else who has gone through (whatever challenge I am facing at the moment) and made it through successfully!!

  3. Amen! The “can-do” thing really bit me in the ass. I wouldn’t ask for help if I was on fire. Looking back, it must have been obnoxious. Learning to ask for help was difficult yet freeing. Still working on the people-pleasing 🙂 I worry that my negative blogs will drive people away at the time I need them most.
    Here’s the wrinkle in all that: My highest hits on blogs are the ones with the most negative titles. Hmmmmm. Apparently we’re all struggling and just want to know we’re not alone or crazy!

  4. Thanks Sharon, Carrie & Ginger 🙂 Actually I decided that I would roll with the honesty at work today and (a) it was nowhere near as bad as I feared and (b) it’s shut wolfie up!

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