One day like this …..

Growing up we didn’t ‘do’ emotions in our house so they were denied or ignored and I grew up emotionally mute.  It was when I discovered music that I found a ‘voice’ for my emotions.  If I couldn’t express them I could always find a singer, band or DJ who could.  Like many others music formed the soundtrack to my life with many nights and week-ends spent clubbing, raving and gigging and always with a drink in my hand.

Since I stopped drinking I have steered away from listening to music fearful that the old association with alcohol would be awakened and the cravings would start.  I also worried that without drink I wouldn’t be able to manage the emotions that would be triggered.  But sitting on my pink cloud I thought that maybe this would be a good time to test the waters.  So I stuck on a CD and listened to this song:

I love this band and particularly this song and have poignant memories of seeing Elbow performed this track live.  Today tears were indeed shed but confusingly they were the result of happiness and sadness.  I was bemused because how I’ve been feeling the last few days was the emotional state that I would always chase when drinking – that happy elated joyous feeling and this song captures this so well.  The sad irony of my thinking that if I drank I would feel this way when in fact I have achieved this feeling by doing the exact opposite.  If I could bottle my pink cloud feeling and put it into a song this would be it …….. Day 75.

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One thought on “One day like this …..

  1. I, too, learned early that expressing emotion was not acceptable. So, like you, I turned to music. As a teenager, I would sit in my room, hour after hour, letting music do the talking. As I look back, most of the songs I was drawn to were sad and slow. I’m trying to put happy music into my life now.

    Of course, I can’t even begin to sing a proper note, but that doesn’t stop me when I’m alone.

    Congrats on day 74! (I hit 30 today!)

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