Who was I trying to kid?

So the last post could have suggested that I only drank to manage anxiety but that would have been a big fat lie!  I needed no reason or excuse to drink and tonight is a point in case.

We have a friend coming to stay and will be having dinner later.  Now in my old life the thinking would have been ‘okay so it’s technically a school night, with work tomorrow, but hey we’ve got said friend staying and it would be wrong not to have a beer before dinner and wine during and after’ – justification made, end of.

I would drink if I was happy, sad, pissed off, bored, it’s a Wednesday, I’m on holiday, it’s someone’s birthday, it’s Christmas (oh and of course if I’m anxious) – you get the picture!  I self-medicated for life pretty much and even when I was sick would use the excuse of it being medicinal to justify putting alcohol into my body.

Jeez the level of self-delusion was staggering.  But that was then and this is now.  Friend staying for dinner will be offered Belvoir mulled winter punch as a warming non-alcoholic aperitif and elderflower cordial and soda water for with dinner followed by herbal tea.  He is a good friend who is abstaining for the night in support of our cause – god love him 🙂 Day 57


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