What goes up – must come down ….

Usually alcohol was my disclaimer, as in, ‘oh but I was drunk’ or ‘oh but I was hungover’ like it excused all behaviours and explained it somehow.  It allowed me to externalise many things that I did and said without me having to take responsibility or minimised and denied the experience of the associated feelings.

Now I have no alcohol and haven’t done so for 54 days.  I can’t blame it for any feelings that I have which means I have to take responsibility for them which is something that I am not comfortable with.  That’s why I drank ……..

So I have to own the high I felt yesterday at being published and the low I feel today post the event.  It’s uncomfortable and something I want to stop from happening but I just have to sit with it in the knowledge that it will get easier day by day.

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2 thoughts on “What goes up – must come down ….

  1. Those damn feelings! Ugh, I get it. I know it’s why I drank, to fend off the boredom and the uncomfortable feelings. But you’re right, you need to sit with them and they WILL pass. I still struggle with that. When it becomes unbareable I just go to bed early and I almost always feel better the next day. 54 days is huge. You’re doing great! Also, congrats on the article. Well done!

    Lynne

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