I drank from the age of 17, first socially but with the odd big party where over-indulgence took place and memory was scarce. It was when I was in my twenties and thirties that I really started to practice hard and developed a fairly hefty tolerance. You would think being a nurse I would know better …..
My tipple’s were gin, cider and wine of any colour. My drinking would escalate with family bereavements and grief to more than a bottle of wine a night and then settle down again. The desire to have children and after they had arrived is when the great moderation game began. Drinking shandy rather than cider, 1/2 a bottle only a night, not drinking on a school night, all tactics were tried.
I never drank to get plastered but learned to recognise that critical point in the evening when whether to have the next drink or not would decide the fate of the rest of the evening. Home to bed or lots of blank tape with no way to rewind – as a good friend of mine would say. Some nights just became ‘f**k it’ moments.
I guess I would be described in substance use service parlance as high functioning with a high bottom. No jobs were lost and no relationships were destroyed beyond repair. Just my sense of self-esteem and confidence draining away like the emptying of the bottles I was drinking.
But not anymore as today is day 44 of a different way of living life. For me and my family a better way 🙂